Monday, January 16, 2012

New year, new start, hopefully...

So, yeah, I completely failed in my attempt to spin 52 skeins of yarn in 2011.  In fact I didn’t even hit the halfway mark.  Instead I fell hard into a major depressive episode and spent several months trying desperately to crawl back out of the great, dark abyss.  2011 was easily the worst year of my adult life and there is nothing you could possibly offer me that would be worth doing it all again.  Yes, there were some good days, quite a few in fact, but they were massively eclipsed by the bad.  So much so, that I seriously contemplated my own end on multiple occasions.  I would never actually do that to the people I love, but that doesn’t stop my brain from pondering it. 
The good: I finally escaped the job that was the main contributor to the last three years worth of depression, and landed a sweet job doing work I love for a company I believe in. 
The bad: Practically everything else. 
The other:  I learned some very important things this year, both about myself, and about the world around me.  (1)Trust no one and expect nothing and you’ll never be disappointed, but you’ll never be happy either.  (2)Rely on others for anything and you will invariably hurt and be hurt in turn.  It’s up to you to weigh the pros and cons of loving others.  (3)You can live for a very long time without actually “living”.  I don’t want to do that anymore.  Instead, I’d like to actually enjoy my life.  If anyone has any suggestions on how to figure out how that works please feel free to pass them on.
So, as I slowly roll awake to a new year, I am not setting any goals beyond surviving this one with as much happiness as I can muster or make for myself.  I have started crafting in earnest again, but haven’t spun a single inch since September or October.  I’m just not feeling it right now, so if I post pics they’ll probably be more knitting oriented for a while.  Sorry.

1 comment: